Today’s journal entry may come across as harsh and blunt. I don’t mean to be harsh but I can’t excuse the bluntness of it. You know that inner drill sergeant I talk about from time to time? Well that’s the one who wrote this.
So brace yourself, because my inner drill sergeant doesn’t dance around things like the rest of me does 🙂
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My life right now is like an elaborate game of hot lava. Scooting around from bed to wheelchair, my feet never touching the ground, my legs never standing, If you were to watch me half the time you’d laugh and the other half you’d likely feel pity.
But I’m getting on just fine, pretty good actually. I’m acclimating, getting used to it. In some ways it has gotten easier because my arms have gotten stronger, in most ways it has gotten easier because my attitude has gotten stronger.
It really is a choice.
It truly is a choice.
A lot of people disagree with that.
A lot of people think they can’t possibly be happy because they’re stuck:
in a job they don’t like
in an economy that isn’t fair
in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make them happy
in a place in their life that isn’t satisfying
with a bank account that doesn’t have the numbers they want
with a skill set that doesn’t allow them the career they would like
So they sit there and say they’re stuck.
Like the man on the mat at the pool of Bethesda. Who laid there for over 30 years because no one would put him in the pool. Because no one would hand it to him. In all those 38 years he never got the gumption to drag himself to that pool.
Healing was right there, but he laid there instead.
We are so much like that man.
Don’t talk to me about being stuck today.
I’m stuck.
I can’t stand. I can’t walk. I can’t go to the bathroom without help. I can’t reach my cabinet to get a plate out. I can’t get into my pantry. I can’t go outside. I can’t get that package I’ve been anxiously waiting on that is sitting right there on my front porch as I type this. I can’t pick up my children from school. I can barely dress myself. I can’t run to the grocery store. I can’t go beyond three rooms in my entire house. I can’t walk away from the pain. In fact, the slightest attempt to walk would make it far more excruciating.
In many ways, I’m stuck.
But by the grace of God I’m still happy.
And for all of the things I can’t do, there are a million more that I can!
And each day I get stronger, and each day my bones heal a little bit more, and each day I’m alive and breathing and here with my wonderful family!
And I’m so very happy right now.
Filled with joy, even.
I can’t stop smiling.
Because I can see beyond all of that to the blessings I do have.
Because we all have blessings and curses in our lives.
And our happiness depends on which one we decide to value the most.
No one is exempt just because their life appears easier than yours.
I’ve been there. I have spent years wrapping my problems around me like a blanket. It’s a dark and comfortable existence.
It took me years to unwrap myself from that.
To train myself to look for the rays of sun.
To learn to recognize their warmth and to turn towards that instead of running back to my blanket out of instinct.
I clawed myself out of that.
I’m not going back.
It’s time to decide. Do you want to stay wrapped up or do you want happiness bad enough to start clawing?
Because everyone is stuck somewhere.
and being stuck is only enough to keep you miserable if you decide to be.
I learned a long time ago through a lot of trial and error to keep an Attitude of Gratitude. It’s not always easy, but like you say….it’s your choice. Keep repeating “This to shall pass”. It really helps.
Amen! I had a college professor tell me that once when I was talking about my son and his colic. She said “Honey, just hang a wreath on the door coz this, too, shall pass.” and I learned that it applies to the good stuff as well as the bad, so I try to enjoy every moment as much as possible, even the ones where my kids are driving me batty – because all too soon they won’t be my little kids anymore and I’ll be wishing they were in my arms again as they go out into the world.
I have two friends, one with MS and one with Parkinson’s who have lived the last 20 years in very poor physical shape, comparable to what you’re going through now. Not able to move unassisted, walk, go to the bathroom unassisted, do all of the usual things that we take for granted and are so blissfully ungrateful for. When I feel sorry for any situation or bad day I’m having, I think of them and how they get up every day, get dressed, feel joy with being with people, etc., I think shame on me. As you remind us, each day is a gift and it is our attitude and choices that make the difference. Love you!.
So true,we all can drown if we don’t swim.Live life to the fullest,we never know when our Lord will call us home.keep up the good work.
“We can all drown if we don’t swim” Why have I not heard that before? BRILLIANT! Thank you!
This makes me think of the Corrie Ten Boom story about thanking God for the fleas! Thanks, Christy!
KayK, I remember now. The fleas kept away the guards!
Good Post, Kiddo.
Amen, Christy! For the last 5 years, my husband I (both only children) have been dealing with serious health issues with 3 different parents which included the death of my mother 3 years ago. There are days where it would be so easy to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed all day long, but I know that is not what God has planned for me. Instead, I get up, put my face on, and take on my day. Prayers for speedy and pain free healing for you!
Love this and love that you tell us what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear. We are blessed because we have you! I’ll keep saying a prayer for your healing while thanking God for bringing you into my life!