100 Reasons Why I’m Not A Cowgirl : How To Make Brownies With Two Broke Legs

Decide you want to bake a little surprise treat for your family for the weekend.

Go look in your pantry and see a box of brownie mix six feet above your head. Find a yard stick and spend the next ten minutes trying to knock it down.

In the process, knock down a canister of oats, pack of salad dressing mix, several boxes of rice, and a small stack (only four or five boxes) of cake mix.

BUT the brownie mix box is resting on top of the pile. EUREKA! Grab it and turn your back on the mess in the bottom of the pantry. Hey, you have two broke legs!

Go over and place the brownie mix on the counter. Open the dishwasher which contains clean dishes but hasn’t been emptied and get a mixing bowl and a large spoon out. Place those on the counter next to the mix. Open the fridge and grab the carton of eggs, get your wheelchair stuck on the fridge door so not only will it not close, but when you turn to try to back up, it actually moves the fridge several inches from where it originally was. Get unhooked finally, close door. Ignore that it is in a different place. It might prove to be better there anyway…

Oh crud, you need the oil. Go back and get the yard stick and take a deep breath as you look up at the bottle of vegetable oil on top of the fridge and try to remember if you put the cap on good last time you used it. Say a prayer and reach up. Knock down a box of baking soda first. Take a deep breath and curse the people who make baking soda in those stupid boxes that don’t really shut as your smallest dog looks up at you covered in white powder. Go back to yard stick strategy and eventually knock the bottle of vegetable oil down, hold your breath as it seems to fall to the floor in slow motion and exhale when it finally lands with cap still on. Pick up vegetable oil.

Stir batter together.

Realize you can’t reach a 9×13 pan so grab a muffin tin instead.

Decide these would be prettier if you used muffin papers. Use the yard stick to pry open the cabinet door that houses them. Commence with yard stick strategy again, knocking down a canister of meringue powder. Curse yourself for losing the lid to the canister as a fine white powder settles down onto the counter and your clothes. Several minutes later succeed in knocking down the cupcake papers.

Spy a canister of rainbow jimmies on the shelf above them. Not one to leave good enough alone, return to highly successful yardstick strategy until those are knocked down – along with green, red, yellow, and easter sprinkles as well – most of them with their lids on. Hey, at least the counter looks festive.

Decide you need chocolate icing. Fortunately, there is a can in the pantry. Force wheelchair as far into pantry door as possible and manage to reach it with your hands. Reverse wheelchair out of pantry as several chips of paint rain down onto floor. If you only knew the walls that are going to have to be painted again after this… 

Spoon brownie mix into muffin papers. Place in oven. When done, microwave chocolate icing without incident to form a glaze and spoon a bit onto each brownie. Top with sprinkles.

When husband comes home and walks into the kitchen looking as if he is about to ask if burglars broke in and ransacked the place, shove a brownie in his mouth.

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